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| being reminded of what is truly right |
| 04.30.05 (9:25 pm) [edit] |
it's happening again. i joined a discussion forum, and my least favorite nemisis has poked it's ugly head up. it is a vile and wicked creature, filled with pride and envy. it seeks to consume me and make me less than what Christ would have me be. my nemisis is filled with venom to quash all who would oppose it growth. it tries to wiggle it's way into every conversation and post, innocently at first and then with a fury to be reckoned with.
my nemisis is being right.
i love to be right. to be superior. to lift my knowledge above others and to prove them wrong. oh, the joy at tearing anothers views to bits and knowing they can do nothing but lick thier wounds and then scoff when they try to debate futher. or to be haughty and laugh at the ignorant and say to myself "poor pitiful fool, if he would only open his eyes to reason and stop clinging to such ludicrous beliefs"
then the conviction of the Holy Spirit comes and i am shamed for not being love. i am put into my place and a lowly place it is. i again have failed to be Christ.
ah, but this time it is different. this time it will not over take me. this time with maturity i will love, and be loving. i will discuss not argue and i will listen not placate. with n open heart and my mind focused on Jesus i will defend my beliefs, but not at the cost of love.
what is truly right? to love the Lord my God with all of me, and to love my neighbor as myself. to understand that i am but a humble servant of God, and although i am convinced of my beliefs and will defend them it will be with love and humility that i do so.
it is a challenge, but i have the Holy Spirit to guide me, and the scars to remind me that my way is not the right way.
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| some more things i think |
| 04.28.05 (7:24 pm) [edit] |
i think:
my daughters are beautiful young women
i have few friends, but they are quality realtionships
i bought the coolest martini glasses ever last night
chili and cheese do not belong on fritos
if i had a digital camera i would use it for awhile then it would sit on a shelf like my camcorder
i don't know nearly enough about Martin Luther
it is hard to disagree with friends, but it must be done so the relationship has the opportunity to grow
running out of toilet paper is not a tragedy, but it's pretty damn close
there are several tbloggers i'd like to have over for dinner some time
it's getting warmer that only means one thing in texas, it's finally normal again
i'd like to write a weekly column for a major newspaper
that column would suck
my favorite flavor of ice cream is french vanilla
i like being in charge
that'll do for now
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| it's official |
| 04.24.05 (3:15 pm) [edit] |
i am old. yesterday a young lady who i have known since her birth 20 years ago gave me a call. she said shayno i have some news for you, i am getting married next year.
i literally sat on my bed and felt as if all the air in the room had left.
i babysat this girl. i taught her how to say "mommy please don't beat me anymore" when she was three. i convinced her that calling someone a stop sign was an insult.
she is a beautiful young lady and this yeawr she moved from her home in Cali to TX to go to school. when she got here i met her fiance, then boyfriend and he is a great guy. i think that they will be very happy and i am sure that God has ordained thier relationship.
of course i am not really old, because old is a state of mind , but yesterday and today and maybe even tommorow i will feel old. then next year as she walks down the aisle and her mother and father are crying because they are happy and sad at the same time, i will again feel old.
i think i will send a bouquet of flowers to her and on teh card it will read mommy you stop sign please don't beat me anymore.
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| my trip to the mall |
| 04.22.05 (10:48 pm) [edit] |
i hate the mall. i am a man and men go to the mall for one reason, we have to or are forced to.
in the city that i live in there is a fairly large mall with all the ambercrombie, gap, and hot topic one could stand. tonight i happened to have the opportunity to take my daughter her 2 friends (teen agers all) and my two younger children to the mall. my oldest is having a sleepover and she and her friends thought it would be a fun time to dress in thier pajamas wear tiarras (sp?) and go to the mall.
yeah kinda silly, but i remember being young and not caring about how silly i looked either, remember tony hawk and his long bangs around 1985 if not do a google search and prepare to laugh.
so the plan is the 3 older girls are going to walk around and shop for about one and a half hour and me and teh two younger girls will grab a soda and hang out at the pet store. my middle child wants a hamster so i said we would go look at them. we spent about 45 minutes in the pet store because my youngest ( 16 months) was enamored by all the new things to see and hear.
we leave the pet store, sit on a bench and i take out my phone to check the time and see if i had missed any calls. we get up walk about 50 feet and i realise i left my phone on the bench. we go back and you guessed it my phone is gone. i mean literally 30 seconds passed.
so teh first thing i do is go to the pay phone which happens to be by the bench and call my number. no ring so the phone is long gone. then i think hmm, my service provider has 2 big booths in this mall. this mall is where i first signed up with my service provider 5 years ago, let's see what they can do.
i race to the booth tell the guy i want to cancel my phone cause it has just been stolen less than 5 minutes ago, and he suggest that i just freeze teh account so that the phone can't be used. so i agree and in less than 10 minutes my phone is off at the source.
so now he tells me that i can get a new phone for free, if i sign for an additional 2 years on my contract. i like my provider a lot so it's a no brainer and i got a cool new flip phone with the color screen and fancy ring tones. pretty cool i think. i mean i use my phone as a phone, i don;t need it to take pictures, show me where i am in the world, play arcade games or even make toast i just need a phone that fits in my pocket so that if i have the urge i can call someone, and i don't really even do that much.
the funny thing is that the thief got a dud. the phone was like 2 years old has no "modern" features and looks like the kind of phone an old dude like myself would carry. plus it was deactivated about 8 minutes after it was taken.
just goes to show you crime does not pay, and the mall sucks.
the worst thing was i lost all my numbers ahhh reprogramming and some of them i don't have anywhere else hmm hmm graceshaker call me foo.
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| closet g |
| 04.13.05 (4:09 pm) [edit] |
so i'm gonna let you in on a little secret. well maybe for some of you it isn't such a secrect, but for most of you who only know me online it is a revelation.
if i was gonna chunk the christianity thing, and as a reformed believer i am convinced that i could not, and live my life only to please myself i'd be a gansta. yeah, yeah i'd be hangin with the homies, rollin down the street in my '64, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice, chrome on my hip, and teflon on my chest. west side til i die.
there is just something about that life that totally appeal to my "flesh". the toughness, the tribalism, protecting your turf and representing for you and your clique.
see i totally can relate to alot of that. to me it's pretty genuine. getting what you can get by any means necessary and not giving a damn about what anyone else thinks about it.
to me it is the classic fallen man model, and rather than hide behind some corprate desk, or public office ganstas are open about thier greed and corruption. instead of hiding your illgotten gain from the irs and screwing investors in your company and hoping they never find out ganstas just don't care. they are blatant about it. i mean who else wears thousands and perhaps hundreds of thousands of dollars in jewelry around thier necks and in thier teeth and top it off with mink coats.
deplorable i know yet honest. i got it however i got it and i'm gonna flaunt it and if you want it you gotta kill me for it.
it speaks volumes to me about our society and how greed and selfishness are in every socio-economic group, and i relate to it because i am in fact a realist. it is reality that if you are tough enough and smart enough to get away with illegally or immorally making money, instilling fear in people, and killing those who oppose you to can be a gangsta.
yep, that would be me except for the grace and mercy of Jesus.
oh, you may say, shayno you seem so understanding and kind. well, the news is that really ain't me. i should say that me is the new me. the old me the one who is day by day deteriorating as the new me becomes more like Jesus is capable of every bad thing you can think of and i do mean every bad thing.
the good news though is that the g in me is dying. it's a slow sometimes painful death, and sometimes it's a battle, but Jesus is winning that's why if you look at me the wrong way in the mall i'm more likely to igonore you now than i am to smack you in the head. it is why now rather than chasing after you for 10 miles on the freeway just to cuss at you and your family because you cut me off, i'm more likely to pull over and ask God to give you traveling mercies. it is why if you get my order wrong i'm just gonna ask for the right thing rather than call you an idiot and make a huge scene.
i used to walk into a place and start looking to see if there was anyone who could take me, and if so how was i gonna take them, and God help you if my brothers were with me because in that case i felt undefeatable and i'd try to start trouble. it's not that i thought or think that i was or am a real bad-ass, it's just that is was may nature. the nature that is being changed by Jesus.
so my continual prayer is not just to be more like Jesus, but also less like me the closet g.
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| what the hell is wrong with some people? |
| 04.07.05 (11:15 pm) [edit] |
look i'm just an average guy, and i don't really like to use my blog space for griping, but i want to on this one.
as some of you may know i work for the evil empire Wal-Mart. long story goes with that and i think i've written it before. so today i am walking from the front of the store to the back and i notice from behind a very sultry looking woman. low rise jeans, white tank top with black bra showing and of course the top of her thong sticking out for all to see. now like i said i am an average guy so i noticed, didn't lear and drool just noticed.
as i got closer i saw her DAD!!! and kid brother. she turned around and was at most 16 years old. i was floored. how do i know this was her father, cause she said daddy don't forget mom wants to have chicken for dinner tonight.
what in the world is this "father" thinking? what could possibly have lead to letting his teen-age daughter out in public or for that matter anywhere dressed like that.
i'm not a prude. i have daughters and they dress fashionably. some of thier clothes i like others i don't like flip flops with jeans i don't get it, but hey it's cool. i have let my oldest dye her hair and she even had a little punk-rock phase that i actually kind of liked cause back in the day i was a little hard-core skater dude. Never though in a million years would i let one of my girls dress so provocatively.
we read almost daily about some sick bastard who has kidnapped a young girl or lured her to a far away place via the internet, and this guy has the cajones to let his kid dress like that.
it really took some prayer and thinking for me not to whack this guy in his mellon. i wanted to, but it's not my place i know, yet i can't help thinking about it even now many hours later.
is being "sexy" so important in our society that we would allow this to be normal? did that somehow figure into the equation for this "dad", or was he just too tired of fighting over the subject and decided to cave for peace in the house?
i don't know, but man it pissed me off, and i pray that nothing happens to that young lady and daddy finds out the hard way that the world is filled with sick, disguting, filthly people just waiting to get a hold of his daughter.
i'm also going to pray that she finds out that the type of dude she attracts with that kind of outfit is looking for one thing and it's not a healthy loving relationship.
now here's the topper for me would i have been so angry had this been an older girl in her early 20's? probably not and that may even be sadder on my part.
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| some feed back from being on the soap box |
| 04.02.05 (11:41 pm) [edit] |
my dad live in cali and is a pastor and minister in the town i come from. he read my blog and we talked about it over the phone a few nights ago.
the thing that he said that will stick with me was this(paraphrase):
you know boy i used to meet a lot of people before i became a christian. i met your uncle in a pool hall and he introduced me to your mom. i met all kinds of people some good some not so good. i need to get out more and start to meet people
again.
well biff you got it.
don't get me wrong my old man is a super dude. he loves Jesus and does a lot in his community to help homeless and indigent people. a lot of people have quit going to his church because it isn't a comfy social club it's a place where people are most likely going to be sitting next to someone who may not smell to good. yet, he sees the need to make friends and relationships outside the "ministry" for more opportunities to be Jesus to others.
one other thing that i would like to mention. fairmoon, my online wiccan resource and real life witch wrote on her blog about my post. as i read it i began to weep. not only for the kind and generous things she wrote about me, but my heart was broken because she brought to mind a very sad fact. a lot of people, i would guess even a majority of non-christians, get so much flack from us (christians) that of course they want nothing to do with Jesus, His church, and His followers.
fairmoon is really smart, writes well, influences many by her blog and shrine, and seems to me to be a pretty descent human, as far as humans go that is, but she has gotten so much crap from christians that when she read on my profile that i wanted to be more like Jesus, she was AUTOMATICALLY getting into defensive mode.
that is just more than sad it is a sinful thing. i don't use the S word very often, but man it is just outright sinful to not be respectful, tolerant, and willing to discuss others views.
Jesus was always harshest with religious people, not people of other faiths, or belief systems, but those of His own faith. Jesus loves fairmoon, i'm sure of it, and if He were here on this earth right now physically he'd invite her to coffee and of course she would have to bring along the ruler (her child lol i love her nickname for the kid) cause Jesus would have wanted to play peek-a-boo and have the child sit in His lap and tell a story or two.
so once again i appeal to you fellow believers be more like Jesus and less like church folk.
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